


Like Bread for Ducks

by caffeinefire



Series: Ineffable Responses to an Ineffable Event (2019) [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Bread is Bad For Ducks, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Day Five Prompt: Birds and Fish, Ducks, Fluff, Ineffable Event, Ineffable Event 2019, Light Pining, M/M, Other, Pre-Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 17:44:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21183443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caffeinefire/pseuds/caffeinefire
Summary: “And that means we can’t throw bread at them anymore?” Crowley raised one eyebrow, then tossed another piece of crust toward the ducks in defiance. By the time it hit the water it was a handful of frozen peas, and Aziraphale huffed, frustrated.“Yes, now will you please stop that?”“Not until you tell me why,” the next chunk he threw was larger, and changed to rain of corn. The ducks quacked in annoyance.





	Like Bread for Ducks

“And that means we can’t throw bread at them anymore?” Crowley raised one eyebrow, then tossed another piece of crust toward the ducks in defiance. By the time it hit the water it was a handful of frozen peas, and Aziraphale huffed, frustrated.

“_Yes, _now will you please stop that?”

“Not until you tell me why,” the next chunk he threw was larger, and changed to rain of corn. The ducks quacked in annoyance.

“I _did _tell you, you heathen, its _bad _for them,” Aziraphale tossed a bit of lettuce towards the ducks. It fluttered ineffectively in the air and landed a bit short of the water.

“Yeah, but what does that mean? Bad how? And what happened to frivolous miracles anyway?” Crowley smirked and flung another piece out over the water where it turned to oats, landing mostly on the back of one unfortunate bird, who protested and began to pick its feathers clean.

“Its- I’m protecting wildlife,” Aziraphale protested, trying to get the small pieces of lettuce to travel farther and having little success. “And its simply not part of a healthy diet. For a duck. Its as if we were feeding them sweets all day.”

Crowley stopped mid-throw and turned slowly toward Aziraphale. Both his eyebrows lifted as far as they could go, and he tilted his head down so he was peering at the angel over the tops of his glasses. Aziraphale shot him a look out of the corner of his eye, but steadfastly refused to meet his gaze, hurling more lettuce in the general direction of the water with as much aplomb as the situation would allow.

“_Angel-,”_

“Yes, I see your point, but _I _don’t exactly require proper nutrition, now do I?”

Crowley looked at him a moment longer before shaking his head and facing forward again. He quickly flicked another piece of bread into the water, and a duck snatched it up before Aziraphale could react.

“Crowley!”

“What? Personally, I think it’s cruel to make them go cold turkey, if-,” he turned to the ducks and nodded an apology, “if you’ll pardon the expression. A little more bread won’t hurt more than it already has, let them enjoy it while they can.”

“We’ve already been giving them bread for so _long _though,” Aziraphale fretted, switching tactics and trying to fling the lettuce in something resembling a frisbee toss. “I shudder to think the damage we alone have done to these poor birds.”

Crowley flung the rest of his bread high into the air for the satisfaction of watching it come down as a hail of birdseed.

“Not _these _birds, though,” he tried to console Aziraphale. “We’ve only been feeding these birds for, what? A few years? What do ducks live? A decade, max?” he glanced over to Aziraphale for confirmation, then did a double take.

There was distinct color rising to Aziraphale's cheeks. He tried to mask it with a particularly vigorous hurl of greenery that actually made it in front of a few of the waterfowl. They sniffed at it, suspicious.

“Aziraphale,” Crowley turned entirely, watching as the angel steadfastly ignored him.

“_Aziraphale."_

“Yes, what is it?” Aziraphale shot the ungrateful ducks an exasperated look and turned to face Crowley.

“Angel, are these the same _blessed _ducks?”

“The same ducks as what, dear? You’ll have to be more specific,” Aziraphale was trying not to meet Crowley’s gaze, glancing toward the ducks as if they could help him.

“You _know _what I mean,” Crowley accused, stare unwavering.

Aziraphale held out under his stare for a few moments, then gave in with a huff.

“It’s just that these ducks _know us,_ we’ve built a sort of rapport. It seemed such a shame that we should eventually have to come back to _different _ducks. And when you get right down to it, its-,”

“So let me get this straight,” Crowley cut him off, starting to smile. “You’ve created a park full of essentially _immortal ducks-,”_

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, they’re not immortal. I just wanted to-,”

“-and you’re here agonizing over the effect you’re having on their _nutrition.” _Crowley grinned at him openly with an expression that was more awestruck than the situation strictly called for.

“Well,” Aziraphale looked down at the lettuce in his hands and drew it up closer to himself. “When you put it like that it does seem a bit silly. I suppose I just thought-,” he glanced guiltily at the ducks. Crowley watched him for another moment, then swallowed down his smile into something more casual, shaking his head.

“Nah, not silly,” he turned back to the water and tossed a handful of peas. “It’s the principle of the thing. I get it.”

“You do?” Aziraphale looked up at him gratefully, then followed suit and faced the ducks again.

“Yeah, course I do,” Crowley glanced at Aziraphale without moving his head and was rewarded to see a satisfied smile on his face. “Besides, if these are the same ducks, I’ve got to keep them on their toes. Do ducks have toes? Webs.”

Aziraphale threw more lettuce toward the water. This time a breeze caught it, and it landed right on target.

“They know me far too well by now,” Crowley continued, glaring at the ducks over his glasses until they hesitantly plucked the lettuce from the water, feathers ruffling nervously.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm @caffeinefire on tumblr! This is in response to prompts by @ineffable-event on tumblr!


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